There is a tremendous staying power God has put on our inside. True. If you are reading this, it means you are a survivor.
Life has its ups and downs. The irony is that when we fix one thing another one comes. The cycle is non-stop. At work, in school, at home it’s always a struggle to keep up. It’s maddening but it’s something that we are keeping at (great or small).
The intrigue is that we appear never undone by the cycle. Hey! Sometimes, we do get under. The times our energies, abilities and strength pour out before our eyes, we are not it. But we somehow, always manage to get on the bounce. The bounce? Yes, every moment you can smile about and can afford to laugh and be laughed at present bounce times.
Here’s the trick to shrug off those leaking moments. Let the world around you know you are on the bounce again. Let it show. Give the world around you some freshness. You can decide to do some cleaning up. Put some things straight in the house. Go around the neighbourhood. Call up old friends and former schoolmates-just to say ‘it’s been a while’ or ‘I stumbled on your number in an old diary and called to say hi’. If there are some things you’d left in the cooler for sometime (I mean plans), this will be a perfect time to go over them again.
How about a text or a mail? Generally, be good to yourself and spoil yourself ‘only a little’. If you can afford it, take a day off and lodge in a hotel. And ask for room service. If you can also swim, then don’t hesitate to visit the pool. And if you have been too self-confident, this will be a nice time to put on some God-confidence. After all, God has got your back covered. In fact, it is His back-up plan that always brings you around the bend.
If you can, open up wide your mouth and shout to all: ‘I’m back, bigger, better, and stronger’.
And even to your self: ‘I am the one that can take a leaking and keep on ticking’.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock... Can you hear the clock? It’s time to rock and roll.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Those Silent Frustrations
You wouldn’t even wish them for your enemies. No, not even the worst of them. It’s the tug you feel in those quiet moments. It’s those memories that won’t go away. Am I being paranoid? No way!
It’s a reality you thought you had dealt with. It’s that feeling of being locked-up within. You can hardly talk about it-freely-to anyone. You would rather talk in bits and pieces. You are careful not to let the details out.
Each day you feel a part of you erode. The tears are heavy in those times. Who will understand? Who will listen? You will be so glad if you could find someone, anyone,who will help you cry. The tears seem to have been compromised. Or how else can you explain why they well up so heavy but would hardly form any drops.
In their varied forms-heartbreaks, let-downs, betrayals, illicit sex, deadly diseases-our silent frustrations give us a platform to reflect. And that is the good part of the deal. Those are times when decisions are arrived at and vows made. We are ready to exchange anything we have to ensure that our frustrations disappear. The silver-lining in those stormy times, is the opportunity of a turn-around that is presented.
When the turn–around comes, we become very eager to blurt out our frustrations to folks. Our silent frustrations mean that we are facing a reality check. And that check is the basis for character formation. We can’t really be frustrated beyond what we bargained for. But we can achieve a lot more from what we make of the frustrations.
It’s about changing our approach. And of course, attitude by wiping our eyes dry and embracing the challenge headlong. Don’t sweat it, just confess it. We all get stuck in a corner. But we can’t afford the luxury of been frustrated. That is because it was never designed to be that way.
If you’d stop and remember this: our trials come to make us strong. Yes, you can. Stop doubting.
You are more than your frustrations.
It’s a reality you thought you had dealt with. It’s that feeling of being locked-up within. You can hardly talk about it-freely-to anyone. You would rather talk in bits and pieces. You are careful not to let the details out.
Each day you feel a part of you erode. The tears are heavy in those times. Who will understand? Who will listen? You will be so glad if you could find someone, anyone,who will help you cry. The tears seem to have been compromised. Or how else can you explain why they well up so heavy but would hardly form any drops.
In their varied forms-heartbreaks, let-downs, betrayals, illicit sex, deadly diseases-our silent frustrations give us a platform to reflect. And that is the good part of the deal. Those are times when decisions are arrived at and vows made. We are ready to exchange anything we have to ensure that our frustrations disappear. The silver-lining in those stormy times, is the opportunity of a turn-around that is presented.
When the turn–around comes, we become very eager to blurt out our frustrations to folks. Our silent frustrations mean that we are facing a reality check. And that check is the basis for character formation. We can’t really be frustrated beyond what we bargained for. But we can achieve a lot more from what we make of the frustrations.
It’s about changing our approach. And of course, attitude by wiping our eyes dry and embracing the challenge headlong. Don’t sweat it, just confess it. We all get stuck in a corner. But we can’t afford the luxury of been frustrated. That is because it was never designed to be that way.
If you’d stop and remember this: our trials come to make us strong. Yes, you can. Stop doubting.
You are more than your frustrations.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
"Worth it?"
Did I hear you say “worth it?”
There are some things you don’t want to think about. It’s a huge struggle to keep your mind off them. You try but sometimes (if not most times) you fail.
Remember the first time you lost ‘it’? When you let your hair down and let the buttons loose? And undid the hooks and unzipped the trousers? Then the heartbeats increased and the anxiety increased and how your heart thumped faster with every passing second?
“Stop!” you manage to mutter. But it’s only within because you can hardly hear yourself now. The hormones are rambling and clanging and there is so much pandemonium around. Only this time, you understand perfectly, the scenario and you can name every troubled spot and its noise zones. Your heartbeat, your head, your body are all screaming hollow.
That is as far as it matters. “Don’t be paranoid, enjoy the moment!” your ‘better’ half yells. “Phew!” and you let go, and let your body and the hormones and your cravings take charge.
“Stuff tastes pretty ordinary,” you say to yourself. “Is this all?” you ask blandly. “Maybe, just maybe there is more”. But that is that and off you go...all the way. At this point it’s a struggle to keep track of the now unfolding events. The racing of your mind, the pounding of your heart and the ramblings in your head hardly give room for that.
In a little while it’s over. You pick what is left of your body. And realise, you’ve got to pick up something...anything. You realise suddenly, you don’t want anyone to start asking “Did you lose something or leave anything behind somewhere?” because you have been prancing the hallway for thirty or more times. You don’t want to hear peering questions as to why your hair is flying (in different directions), your trouser flyer is undone and the hook has nearly come off and is conspicuously out of shape (because you hurriedly fastened the straps and shirt in one heap of confusion).
The very hormones, cravings, body language and chemistry that constituted your best pals suddenly turn cowards (more or less hypocrites). As you gather yourself, your being-the you in you- starts popping up with questions. Only then, you remember vividly the grin-on the face of your ‘conqueror’. “Goat,” you curse silently.
In a corner-all by you- the tears come in torrents. Many ‘whys’ rear their –ugly or not-head “It’s okay girl,” a sympathiser says comfortingly. And adds: “It has happened. Just move on”. “Move on? In what direction, you inquire starry-facedly. The sympathiser responds by giving you a pat on the back. He understands that words won’t be enough to answer that question. “You have been through it. So choose the direction yourself,” he says on his inside.
“Oh girl, this time you blew it,” the ‘you in you’ says. The ‘you outside you’ responds in an audible voice “Don’t sweat it, it was worth it. At least you can say that you ...” “Stop it!” you scream even before the ‘you outside you’ finishes. “Did I hear you say worth it?” Oh no!
There are some things you don’t want to think about. It’s a huge struggle to keep your mind off them. You try but sometimes (if not most times) you fail.
Remember the first time you lost ‘it’? When you let your hair down and let the buttons loose? And undid the hooks and unzipped the trousers? Then the heartbeats increased and the anxiety increased and how your heart thumped faster with every passing second?
“Stop!” you manage to mutter. But it’s only within because you can hardly hear yourself now. The hormones are rambling and clanging and there is so much pandemonium around. Only this time, you understand perfectly, the scenario and you can name every troubled spot and its noise zones. Your heartbeat, your head, your body are all screaming hollow.
That is as far as it matters. “Don’t be paranoid, enjoy the moment!” your ‘better’ half yells. “Phew!” and you let go, and let your body and the hormones and your cravings take charge.
“Stuff tastes pretty ordinary,” you say to yourself. “Is this all?” you ask blandly. “Maybe, just maybe there is more”. But that is that and off you go...all the way. At this point it’s a struggle to keep track of the now unfolding events. The racing of your mind, the pounding of your heart and the ramblings in your head hardly give room for that.
In a little while it’s over. You pick what is left of your body. And realise, you’ve got to pick up something...anything. You realise suddenly, you don’t want anyone to start asking “Did you lose something or leave anything behind somewhere?” because you have been prancing the hallway for thirty or more times. You don’t want to hear peering questions as to why your hair is flying (in different directions), your trouser flyer is undone and the hook has nearly come off and is conspicuously out of shape (because you hurriedly fastened the straps and shirt in one heap of confusion).
The very hormones, cravings, body language and chemistry that constituted your best pals suddenly turn cowards (more or less hypocrites). As you gather yourself, your being-the you in you- starts popping up with questions. Only then, you remember vividly the grin-on the face of your ‘conqueror’. “Goat,” you curse silently.
In a corner-all by you- the tears come in torrents. Many ‘whys’ rear their –ugly or not-head “It’s okay girl,” a sympathiser says comfortingly. And adds: “It has happened. Just move on”. “Move on? In what direction, you inquire starry-facedly. The sympathiser responds by giving you a pat on the back. He understands that words won’t be enough to answer that question. “You have been through it. So choose the direction yourself,” he says on his inside.
“Oh girl, this time you blew it,” the ‘you in you’ says. The ‘you outside you’ responds in an audible voice “Don’t sweat it, it was worth it. At least you can say that you ...” “Stop it!” you scream even before the ‘you outside you’ finishes. “Did I hear you say worth it?” Oh no!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Don't Thrash Difficult People
It started out as a normal church talk. But it finished as a saving grace.
How many times have we wished that some difficult people will just disappear from our lives? An annoying colleague, an overbearing aunty, a grit-edged father and an ‘iron-lady’ for a mother... when will they just go from us? Maybe that’s putting it really hard. Consider this: why will your colleague in the office always be on the opposition? How come Aunt Sally has no love for you? What on earth makes your father so insensitive? I mean what profit does your mother get by always being on your neck? Why can’t Uncle Fred be (even for once) different from the cruel person you have always perceived him to be?
On another hand why will your brother never get his hands to do some domestic work? Why do you have to be the person to always do the dishes? I could go on. But the real question is why won’t God just make difficult people disappear from our lives? Why does he even make such people emanate from your backyard? Why does he make them the ones we can’t easily denounce and reject?
The truth is God is always preparing us. That’s putting it mildly. He is always fine-tuning us. That should be the reason. I mean why has your aches and pains from these difficult folks not gotten God’s attention all these years? He wants your rough edges to smoothen out. What is he doing by allowing these folks get to you? He is simply removing the brass, sandpapering you and chiselling the flakes that dot your side.
Before you switch off and say “Enough! Don’t tell me that”, think about all those times. How come you had not poisoned them to death? And also have found you doing stuff over and over again with same folks, day -in and day-out?
Hey! Don’t bother. Running away will do you no good. The battles we fight and run from today, are just around the bend tomorrow. They will show up anyhow, unannounced or otherwise.
The trick: Ask God to give you the grace to understand their purposes in your life. Besides who said that every person will be nice to you? Even Jesus Christ, had enemies and people who sought to take him to the grave on a daily basis, from within and without. Any reason why you should be spared?
Another trick: Change your attitude towards them. Be friendlier. Smile more. Get worked up no more. Don’t fume. Stop complaining. Lend a hand of friendship. Keep them close. And love unconditionally.
What if this brings no change? Try it out first. Leave the rest. You will be shocked how you will pass this life test with flying colours. Don’t rehearse it. Reverse it.
How many times have we wished that some difficult people will just disappear from our lives? An annoying colleague, an overbearing aunty, a grit-edged father and an ‘iron-lady’ for a mother... when will they just go from us? Maybe that’s putting it really hard. Consider this: why will your colleague in the office always be on the opposition? How come Aunt Sally has no love for you? What on earth makes your father so insensitive? I mean what profit does your mother get by always being on your neck? Why can’t Uncle Fred be (even for once) different from the cruel person you have always perceived him to be?
On another hand why will your brother never get his hands to do some domestic work? Why do you have to be the person to always do the dishes? I could go on. But the real question is why won’t God just make difficult people disappear from our lives? Why does he even make such people emanate from your backyard? Why does he make them the ones we can’t easily denounce and reject?
The truth is God is always preparing us. That’s putting it mildly. He is always fine-tuning us. That should be the reason. I mean why has your aches and pains from these difficult folks not gotten God’s attention all these years? He wants your rough edges to smoothen out. What is he doing by allowing these folks get to you? He is simply removing the brass, sandpapering you and chiselling the flakes that dot your side.
Before you switch off and say “Enough! Don’t tell me that”, think about all those times. How come you had not poisoned them to death? And also have found you doing stuff over and over again with same folks, day -in and day-out?
Hey! Don’t bother. Running away will do you no good. The battles we fight and run from today, are just around the bend tomorrow. They will show up anyhow, unannounced or otherwise.
The trick: Ask God to give you the grace to understand their purposes in your life. Besides who said that every person will be nice to you? Even Jesus Christ, had enemies and people who sought to take him to the grave on a daily basis, from within and without. Any reason why you should be spared?
Another trick: Change your attitude towards them. Be friendlier. Smile more. Get worked up no more. Don’t fume. Stop complaining. Lend a hand of friendship. Keep them close. And love unconditionally.
What if this brings no change? Try it out first. Leave the rest. You will be shocked how you will pass this life test with flying colours. Don’t rehearse it. Reverse it.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Pressure to Impress
It's more than subtle. The shoes that stick out, the ties that neatly adorn shirts, the cars that fly past...They present constant reminders to the many things we need to get going around us. It is a cycle that we wake up to everyday. The pressures that build on our relationships are even more pronounced. No matter the extent of our commitment, a silent but prodding pressure always makes demands. The pressure to be on top of our relationships is capable of producing headaches. Not just ordinary headaches, but nagging ones. It's not a funny situation. But it exists in the different forms and levels of relationships we have and wish to keep going on.
How does it all start? Constantly, we have models of what we want to have our relationships to look like. The effect: we are constantly on the look out for everything and anything that would help us attain our 'lofty heights'. While on the look-out, we become easily swayed and get entangled. We take on more than we can handle. Our erroneous 'one-size-fits-all' beliefs picked up while on the look-out, pursue us. The result: we are on the run, striving to be ahead but not realising that we are within reach. Remember the times, you had to buy the gift or give up that time because you felt you would loose your friend? Remember how you had to spend crazy because you didn't want to appear 'tight-fisted' in the midst of your cash crunch? Holy Mo! if only you had realised, at that time, that what you feared most would catch up with you. In hindsight, you would realise that all your super hero efforts went with the wind. They never really left a mark, and when the storms came, your friend hardly remembered the sacrifices.
Hey! I am not advocating that you leave out all the sacrifices. I mean what would become of friendships then. The crux of the matter: allow your self space. Do not give in to the pressure. The maddening pressure to impress that leaves you vulnerable and not very thoughtful. Always look at the big picture. That's the first step towards getting off the pressure train. Pause, ponder before acting. Answers to questions such as 'I'm I doing this because I want to?, I'm I in this because I believe it's better off? ...need to be given. In doing that you would discover that there would be reason to take things in stride. In taking things in stride, you would have a clear sense of judgement. The offshoot of the process, is that you would make lasting impressions in your relationships. Those impressions would be the holding fabric of every relationship when the world threatens to leave it thread-bare.
It's not too late. Step on the breaks. Get off and get going. You can do a lot more without the pressure. Don't you think so?
How does it all start? Constantly, we have models of what we want to have our relationships to look like. The effect: we are constantly on the look out for everything and anything that would help us attain our 'lofty heights'. While on the look-out, we become easily swayed and get entangled. We take on more than we can handle. Our erroneous 'one-size-fits-all' beliefs picked up while on the look-out, pursue us. The result: we are on the run, striving to be ahead but not realising that we are within reach. Remember the times, you had to buy the gift or give up that time because you felt you would loose your friend? Remember how you had to spend crazy because you didn't want to appear 'tight-fisted' in the midst of your cash crunch? Holy Mo! if only you had realised, at that time, that what you feared most would catch up with you. In hindsight, you would realise that all your super hero efforts went with the wind. They never really left a mark, and when the storms came, your friend hardly remembered the sacrifices.
Hey! I am not advocating that you leave out all the sacrifices. I mean what would become of friendships then. The crux of the matter: allow your self space. Do not give in to the pressure. The maddening pressure to impress that leaves you vulnerable and not very thoughtful. Always look at the big picture. That's the first step towards getting off the pressure train. Pause, ponder before acting. Answers to questions such as 'I'm I doing this because I want to?, I'm I in this because I believe it's better off? ...need to be given. In doing that you would discover that there would be reason to take things in stride. In taking things in stride, you would have a clear sense of judgement. The offshoot of the process, is that you would make lasting impressions in your relationships. Those impressions would be the holding fabric of every relationship when the world threatens to leave it thread-bare.
It's not too late. Step on the breaks. Get off and get going. You can do a lot more without the pressure. Don't you think so?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Between Love's Respect and Fear's Respect
It all started like a simple gist. After thirty minutes we were still on it. It was about respect; the best way a man could earn it. My first friend, the source of the argument would not relent. He was clear about his stand. For him, a man that is the head of his family, deserved respect. And nobody could argue on that. The problem was his insistence that the respect had to be gotten by instilling fear. He made it clear that by instilling fear, the man could be guaranteed of total respect from his children and wife. Now that was already scary. As I listened further on, he made it clear that the respect sought here was for the benefit of the man only. And he could get that by ensuring that his family remained in perpetual awe of him.
It got my mind back to my early days. Did I respect my father out of fear or out of reverence? Anyway my first friend had insisted that it would require so much work and many extras for respect to be derived out of love!!! Well whatever the extra's were, my mind did want to go there. I was more interested in the end result-the impact of the respect born out of fear-on the children. It was really giving me the creeps but I managed to play the whole of my childhood over in two minutes. Really my father loved me, but was that the reason why i respected him or was it because I was afraid of him? Well, a second friend, tried pointing out some differences between fear as a verb and fear as a verb. I could not really get his analysis straightened in my head. But I knew something was amiss about my friend's theory.
The next day I still could remember the sailent points and questions. Do we really respect our father's or men out of love or out of the fear of what they could do to us. Was the fear of the unknown-the uncertainty of the consequences we may suffer- that made us give up our voice?
Last lines: wouldn't love present us with a respect that is enriching. I mean a respect that would stand the test of time and had nothing to do with being intimidated or bullied? The truth-as I told myself- respect born out of love would sure outlast and outwit any respect based or fear of harm or reprimand. It takes a lot for the male ego to swallow that. We all demand respect in subtle ways. But whether we would go all out -even if it means by intimidating the folks around us to get that- or would rather think up creativenly lovely ways of getting that, is a measure of how much wisdom we have attained. What do you think?
It got my mind back to my early days. Did I respect my father out of fear or out of reverence? Anyway my first friend had insisted that it would require so much work and many extras for respect to be derived out of love!!! Well whatever the extra's were, my mind did want to go there. I was more interested in the end result-the impact of the respect born out of fear-on the children. It was really giving me the creeps but I managed to play the whole of my childhood over in two minutes. Really my father loved me, but was that the reason why i respected him or was it because I was afraid of him? Well, a second friend, tried pointing out some differences between fear as a verb and fear as a verb. I could not really get his analysis straightened in my head. But I knew something was amiss about my friend's theory.
The next day I still could remember the sailent points and questions. Do we really respect our father's or men out of love or out of the fear of what they could do to us. Was the fear of the unknown-the uncertainty of the consequences we may suffer- that made us give up our voice?
Last lines: wouldn't love present us with a respect that is enriching. I mean a respect that would stand the test of time and had nothing to do with being intimidated or bullied? The truth-as I told myself- respect born out of love would sure outlast and outwit any respect based or fear of harm or reprimand. It takes a lot for the male ego to swallow that. We all demand respect in subtle ways. But whether we would go all out -even if it means by intimidating the folks around us to get that- or would rather think up creativenly lovely ways of getting that, is a measure of how much wisdom we have attained. What do you think?
Love & Life
The power of oneness is awesome. Love and life always thrive on that strength. The yearning for inspiring human connections resonates deep. And between us, the staying power, the ins and the outs… that make for good love and a fulfilling life, abound. The relationships, the people, the habits, the lifestyles, the issues… that shape love and life, always take centre stage.
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