Expect The Best, Always.

It was a week after the battering. The fact that it was not physical only increased the hurt. The very people I had stuck out my neck, were the ones tearing it into shreds. When my good friend saw through me and my pain, his advice was simple: “Uncle Bobs, don’t expect much from people”.

The reality check was soothing-only momentary though. I realized my friend was just telling me in my face “Hey! Dude, I could also be part of that crowd that want you out!”

So, when I got bashed a year after from a ‘trusted’ friend, my good friend’s theory fitted perfectly. But my standpoint was not getting me my heart’s desires from friendships. Sacrifice, camaraderie, openness, being there…were the ideals I craved for. What did I get? Plenty of selfishness, plenty of ‘out-of-sight-out-of-mind’ friendships and more hurt from friends…left me in great pain, feeling betrayed and being distraught about friendships. After all, I had learnt not to expect much from people. Pronto! That was the problem.

My lowered expectations had produced suspicions in my friends and made them to shut the doors of openness, sacrifice and being there. My flawed expectations were transparent to all. And as I sought a way out of my dilemma, I realized I had to learn to always raise the ante. I had to expect the best always.

It will make more sense to always keep your expectations high. That’s the only way to get rid of the suspicions that hinder our friends from giving us the best.

“Once beaten, twice shy?” “No, that will not hold water”. Our experiences are to make us better and not bitter. They should never inhibit us from experiencing the fullness thereof. Never use them as control mechanisms. They will only undo us by lowering our expectations from our relationships.

It doesn’t hurt to expect the best. If anybody has a problem with you expecting the best from your friendships, then it’s the person’s problem. A point to note though: give people the room to rise to your expectations. It will always be a great self destruct when you lower your expectations.

Once heard a preacher say, “Don’t ask for anything, ask for all things”. It’s not about whether you can expect the best. It’s about whether you will. There is no harm in your expecting the best..anytime, anywhere, anyhow.

Those Silent Frustrations

You wouldn’t even wish them for your enemies. No, not even the worst of them. It’s the tug you feel in those quiet moments. It’s those memories that won’t go away. Am I being paranoid? No way!

It’s a reality you thought you had dealt with. It’s that feeling of being locked-up within. You can hardly talk about it-freely-to anyone. You would rather talk in bits and pieces. You are careful not to let the details out.

Each day you feel a part of you erode. The tears are heavy in those times. Who will understand? Who will listen? You will be so glad if you could find someone, anyone,who will help you cry. The tears seem to have been compromised. Or how else can you explain why they well up so heavy but would hardly form any drops.

In their varied forms-heartbreaks, let-downs, betrayals, illicit sex, deadly diseases-our silent frustrations give us a platform to reflect. And that is the good part of the deal. Those are times when decisions are arrived at and vows made. We are ready to exchange anything we have to ensure that our frustrations disappear. The silver-lining in those stormy times, is the opportunity of a turn-around that is presented.

When the turn–around comes, we become very eager to blurt out our frustrations to folks. Our silent frustrations mean that we are facing a reality check. And that check is the basis for character formation. We can’t really be frustrated beyond what we bargained for. But we can achieve a lot more from what we make of the frustrations.

It’s about changing our approach. And of course, attitude by wiping our eyes dry and embracing the challenge headlong. Don’t sweat it, just confess it. We all get stuck in a corner. But we can’t afford the luxury of been frustrated. That is because it was never designed to be that way.
If you’d stop and remember this: our trials come to make us strong. Yes, you can. Stop doubting.
You are more than your frustrations.