It all started like a simple gist. After thirty minutes we were still on it. It was about respect; the best way a man could earn it. My first friend, the source of the argument would not relent. He was clear about his stand. For him, a man that is the head of his family, deserved respect. And nobody could argue on that. The problem was his insistence that the respect had to be gotten by instilling fear. He made it clear that by instilling fear, the man could be guaranteed of total respect from his children and wife. Now that was already scary. As I listened further on, he made it clear that the respect sought here was for the benefit of the man only. And he could get that by ensuring that his family remained in perpetual awe of him.
It got my mind back to my early days. Did I respect my father out of fear or out of reverence? Anyway my first friend had insisted that it would require so much work and many extras for respect to be derived out of love!!! Well whatever the extra's were, my mind did want to go there. I was more interested in the end result-the impact of the respect born out of fear-on the children. It was really giving me the creeps but I managed to play the whole of my childhood over in two minutes. Really my father loved me, but was that the reason why i respected him or was it because I was afraid of him? Well, a second friend, tried pointing out some differences between fear as a verb and fear as a verb. I could not really get his analysis straightened in my head. But I knew something was amiss about my friend's theory.
The next day I still could remember the sailent points and questions. Do we really respect our father's or men out of love or out of the fear of what they could do to us. Was the fear of the unknown-the uncertainty of the consequences we may suffer- that made us give up our voice?
Last lines: wouldn't love present us with a respect that is enriching. I mean a respect that would stand the test of time and had nothing to do with being intimidated or bullied? The truth-as I told myself- respect born out of love would sure outlast and outwit any respect based or fear of harm or reprimand. It takes a lot for the male ego to swallow that. We all demand respect in subtle ways. But whether we would go all out -even if it means by intimidating the folks around us to get that- or would rather think up creativenly lovely ways of getting that, is a measure of how much wisdom we have attained. What do you think?
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