Kyle Comes To Life

Kyle is Uganda's second representative on the show. In fact, for many, the 24-year old doesn't exist in the game. On Saturday night, the quiet dude came to life as he pinned Wati to the wall. He wanted the Malawian to know that what he did to Jannette was not cool. He expressed his unhappiness over the sight of his country-mate sobbing over Wati's revelation that she gave him a 'hand job'. Even IK, noticed this and asked him what came over him. Of course, Kyle feels its time to bring his game out. Though he cannot fathom how the next two weeks will pan out in Downville (as only four housemates will remain),  his energy will definitely see him upgraded to Upville.

Before Lady May brings down the house...

Namibia's Lady May promised to bring the Big Brother house down in her promo advert on the show. That was before her entry into the Big Brother Stargame on May 5.  Nearly two months after, the 5-year-old in a 25-year-old's body is yet to bring even a chair down in the house. Instead, it is the house that is bringing her down in many respects. The petite diva refuses to answer any question about her personal life on the show. A harmless 'are you okay?' by Goldie was received with much bad blood. A question from Keita and Keagan  on why she doesn't take alcohol got both housemates into her 'black book'. It is nearly impossible to see Lady May eating on the dining table with others. She holes up herself in the room to eat and can be found in a world of her own most times. Even when the house is being literally brought down by other housemates, Lady May has forgotten about the promise she made to Africa. When DKB was dishing out slaps to Zainab, she just didn't shift. When Maneta took up a bleach can against Roki, she didn't move either. Ironically, while she stood aloof and alone, she was bathed by same bleach meant for Roki.
Her seemingly neutral, self-seeking and 'oneness' may just consume her in the coming weeks.

Talia and Wati for Upville?

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Wati, Janette and the'Handjob' story

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Homeville beckons on Barbz and Keita

The Big Brother Stargame is almost going bunkers. The random nominations in Downville, as well as the voluntary exits and disqualifications have all ensured that Biggie's quest for a bumper harvest from the show is taking a hit. Many viewers expected that Biggie would cancel voting for eviction this week, but he changed the game, and presently, Barbz and Keita are on the firing line. Maneta's  disqulaification meant that the duo will have their hands full this week. Sadly, only Barbz knows she is facingAfrica. Keita, her fellow nominee has no idea that he has been swapped for Prezzo by head of house, Goldie.
Barbz is using her diary sessions as an avenue to canvass for votes. Keita is banking on fate to see him through, for eviction is a random fate. Barbz has been 'snitching' (gossiping) a lot and her SA origins might not count. Keita, considered responsible for Maneta's exit, might have some feminists on his case. Who ever is evicted tomorrow will be to the delight of Maneta. In a week in which she would have enjoyed Homeville alone, her actions have resulted to the evictio of two other housemates.
Barbz and her supporters have  their work cut out for them, because the odds are greatly stacked against her. Keita may just survive to 'die another day'...just survive.

Playas Get Played

SA's Barbz always chose her friends according to nomination odds, but this time, a coordinated 'attack' from the guys - Keita, Roki and Prezzo has put her up for eviction. Keita 'snitched' on Goldie (with Prezzo and Roki), and Goldie put him in Prezzo's stead for eviction. Roki made friendship overtures to Goldie and got her to put up Maneta without a second thought, only to find out later  that she may have been 'played'. Prezzo knew he had to make up with Goldie on Friday, because she was going to HOH in nomination week, and could save him if he was up. She did just that. Hmmm

Why the rage on Goldie Harvey?

Nigeria's  own Lady Gaga, Goldie Harvey, is getting a lot of stick from the viewing public, many of whom believe that she is 'not representing Naija well'. They point to her 'gullible' nature and her 'house maid' antics on the show. Many Nigerian viewers believe Kenya's Prezzo, 'the fish lips', is 'playing' her. They also believe that the songstress has 'no entertainment' and lacks swag. The fact is that the Nigerian takes every thing at surface value, and Naija viewers consider her to be 'dumb'.
This rage is a fall-out of the fact that if Ola or Chris was still in the House, they wouldn't have 'given a hoot' about Goldie's 'no show'. They can't see Goldie continuing the trend, and hence, Nigeria's dominance of the show for the past three seasons is at an end. They can't stop lashing out at her, day after day.

Feuding Zimbos get 'bleachy'

It was déjà vu on the Big Brother Stargame on Tuesday afternoon. Another pair of housemates was being evicted from the  seven-week old show - again for violent conduct and contravening house rules.
The last time out, Ghana's DKB lashed out at Sierra Leone's  Zainab for daring to peep while he was taking a bath. This time it was Maneta telling the guys that 'what ever a man can do, a woman can up the ante'. In an apparent response to  controversial countryman Roki  pouring water on her head, the dancing beauty, responded by pouring bleach on his face!
How did things degenerate to this level? Tracing it back to the first week, when Maneta first stepped into Upville, can be a good starting point.  It re-ignited an unsettled 'beef' between the duo. Roki had claimed that he had met Maneta and her partner on the plane and that Maneta didn't give him a nice reception.
So, it was not surprising that when the opportunity came for the first nominations for eviction from the Stargame, the multi-talented Soul singer put Maneta on the ropes. To rub it in, Roki disobeyed Biggie and told Maneta that he had nominated her and her pal, Zambia's Mampi.
It was a difficult week for Maneta and she was saved by Biggie's decision to evict only one housemate. Roki tried to mend bridges after then and made many attempts to call truce with Maneta. The Zimbabweans were even seen together in bed, but all that was for the benefit of the cameras. In the heat of the game, they never thought twice about hauling verbal missiles at each other.
For all Roki cared, Maneta was only a beauty without brains. "She is somebody you will only love to look at," he told Big Brother. Maneta returned the 'compliments': "He is a disgrace to my country, and he is weird". For her to err is human and to forgive is also human. She endlessly sought ways to repay him for his antic at constantly nominating her, causing her so much pain and never bothering to show any 'remorse'  about it. For Roki, he was resolved to get her out of the way, and he did all he could to convince viewers of her guilt. "She is trying to break-up Keita and Mildred. I dislike her and she pretends to be strong," he told Big Brother.
Even though he claimed to have protected her from being a victim of  Prezzo during her alcohol meltdown on a Thursday night, he made a pact with himself to get her out of the Big Brother Stargame. But the pit of eviction he dug for her eventually swallowed him up. After unbalancing the dance queen emotionally by ensuring that he got friends to nominate her for possible eviction, he would go ahead and 'provoke' her by pouring water on her head.
After sensing that she may not be third-time lucky, having survived previous evictions, Maneta decided to take her pound of flesh for the 'water provocation'. She was undecided about stabbing him, but Barbz came to the rescue by taking the knives from her. Pouring bleach on his eyes 'seemed perfect'. Amidst the cries, shouts, and tears and she let him have a peace of her mind. She did not spare either of Prezzo, Gold and Keita.
For Roki, it was the hard way to learn not to push your luck under any circumstance. It was a hard lesson learnt- with a hefty $300,000 prize money now beyond his reach.

Not Just Sex

There is plenty to explore for young men. Their make-up, grooming and awareness give room for plenty of adventure. And for every exploration and adventure there is a prize. It is believed that the prospect of having a woman as a reward of any adventure is fascinating for men.  Thus, it’s no surprise that girls are groomed to be wary of the men around them. They are brought up to believe that the men who come around them have ulterior motives.

The cases of many men in wolf’s skins have done little for men’s reputation. The provable stories of girls who were naive with men, being taken advantage of, have also not enhanced men’s profiles. Violations, rape, incest, unwanted pregnancies...all have the imprints of men; very damning imprints. But will it be right to brand all men as birds of a feather, leopards who will not change their spots and cunning foxes whenever a woman is involved?

It is a hard call; nonetheless, it is also a worthy one - men are not only thinking about sex around women. It is depressing to hear the cliché ‘all men are the same’. That’s a big lie that has been sold to female folk over the years.  Without any advocacy tone, men do have a life outside women and sex and being freaky. Men do have a sense of destiny. And this can make men go the whole hog without any sexual demands. Men do act without any strings attached. They do mean well for women when they mean well.

Playing the numbers game for sexual offences will not do any favours to men, agreed. But there are also plenty of men who genuinely desire to see woman get the best out of life. Men exist who want to be a part of the answers to a woman’s prayer. Definitely they do not want to add to a woman’s tears and anguish at any point. Moments of disappointment in the relationship will occur, but the disappointments will not be along the lines of ‘even you, I never expected this?’

There are few good men we have also heard. But these few good men are directly proportional to the few good women around. That a woman expects every man to ask for sexual gratifications for help received from men does her psyche no good. This takes the shine of a rewarding friendship and adds to the man’s frustrations. Men can be men: responsible and visionary. This is what drives them and makes them want to lay their all.

It is pathetic thinking that all-men-are-no-good. It is very disappointing seeing that women offer themselves as a thank-you gift for all you have done’ to men. Men do derive pleasure from helping out. They do find fulfilment in shaping a woman’s destiny. They would gladly put their resources and manpower to work to see that good is perpetuated in the land.

Men are not animals, they are created beings: to effect and affect change. They do care for women a lot. This should not be misconstrued to mean they are after sex every time. For them, there are many pleasurable things than sexual pleasures: a good name, a life well spent and making heaven. This is true.

It takes more than beauty

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Oh my! there are many beauties to behold in life. I mean dead gorgeous beautiful damsels that can keep you drooling. The beauty that makes you wonder ‘where on earth did this one appear from?’ is one that always catches our fancy. It is one that can make us tingle and keep us on the edge. Such is this beauty that makes many a young man ask ‘how did I get myself entangled in this?’

There are the hunks too – the tall-dark-and- handsome and so handsome ones. Those with the six-packs can put many a young lady’s desires to test. They turn the heads of all who desire a strong man to be there for them to hold them. But beyond all of the good looks and strong arms is there more to be desired.

Yes! We always want the best and good looking folks to be our buddies, pals, friends, confidant, spouses and ... What of the rest of the ‘fearfully-made‘ and the just okay folks, do they have something in store for us? Can we see things in them that we may never find in the beautiful ones that have been born? Head-to-head, wit-for-wit, heart–to-heart, will they measure up? Despite the seeming face-to-face, curve-for-curve, bicep-for- bicep deficiencies, will they give us any sense of worth?

Beauty, just like riches can be deceitful. All that glitters is not gold. That‘s the reason we may need to pause and ponder when beauty plays on our sensitivities and choices. That beauty is fleeting is a no-brainer. This is because all the nice curves and muscles will eventually turn to flab. All of them ‘pointed things’ and ‘fleshy curves’ will obey gravity’s call sooner or later. When this happens, will we still be turned on by our beauty-clouded minds?

Substance and worth is from within. These can be contained in a beautiful and a just-okay body with or without curves. This should inform most of our choices and preferences. Substance is what is required on the job. Character is needed to build a dream career. Good homes are built on a strong sense of value. Great friendships and relationships outlast good looks.

If we will take a moment and think it through, it takes more than beauty to make it in life. Beauty may get us some favours in the now and may also do us some disservice when it all wears out. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. We can choose to behold beauty in the most unlikely of persons with the most unlikely of looks and still be happy. Joy, fulfilment and pride can still be ours if we will chose substance above beauty. Be assured of this, you will never miss out on life: in this age and at all times.

Let them know they can go far

Yes! It’s all coming back to me. The words are still very clear nearly twenty-five years after they were first spoken to me. “The school you are going to...nobody comes second, everybody comes first,” my mom told me. She added, “They give prizes and certificates to all who come first.” I was on the verge of changing primary schools and those words were a tonic. I took them, hook, line and sinker. “I’ve got to be first too then,” I told myself. “And receive the gifts and certificates.”

That was all I needed for a swell time in my educational pursuits. It was a rallying point that saw me make progress from the fifth position, through fourth to second and eventually first in four consecutive terms. I was over the roof. One day, I heard these words “that’s the boy that came first” from another classmate, even as she pointed my way. I felt good and also kept my place at the top throughout primary school.

In secondary school, I needed no additional impetus. I needed to stay tops. Though it was in bits and pieces, those pieces were the most crucial attention grabbing ones. The bits also came with plenty of publicity with numerous accolades to show for them. I did just enough to be considered as one of the brightest in academic work.

University posed its challenges, but I was never going to give in. No never! I had come too far; I just could not give up. “I’ve got to make it. I just have to,” I kept telling myself. I did just that.  In the midst of turmoil, I picked up some courage and pulled through in the tightest of situations.

I had been set up by my mum. I just could not afford to bungle the great belief my mother had in me. I knew my mother trusted me to pull through even the tightest of angles, if it came to my academics. Even in these days, she does that subtly. She makes me know that my place is at the top - before mean men. These days I feel, I’m even closer than I can imagine. Step by step, my mom had set me up. She had put some self belief in me and told me of the immense potentials and backings I had at my disposal. She made me think special about myself.

Every day that comes my way, I believe I’ve got it inside of me to pull through. The days I could not brace up, God did step in. I can go that far, to highest pinnacle of every endeavour. I was told and supported along those lines. I’ve got to spread the word to my siblings, friends, relations, children, colleagues, associates. I have to let them know they can go that far - to the very top of their dreams and visions.

No need to live in doubt

The tough moments of life shake us to our foundations. Because these moments come tailor-made, it looks like no one will ever understand. This sets us up in frenzy. And as we turn every corner, we consciously or otherwise tend to look for solutions. These solutions, we seek never seem to be on time. And so we set ourselves up against the tide, and become forlorn. This is where we become vulnerable and retreat only into our world.

When doubt sets in, it can become a huge struggle to shake it off. For us, the world is as ‘it is’ - always setting us up against ourselves. We refuse to see the world as ‘it should be’. We lose track of our surroundings. We stop dreaming. We refuse to believe. “Whatever will be, will be,” we declare to ourselves.

Doubt set us up to brood over life. We forget that life itself has been designed for ups and downs. And that our down moments don’t have strangle-holds on our up moments. Most times we doubt because we have allowed circumstances and happenstances erode our faith -our self confidence and our God confidence. We try to put the puzzle together and never seem to do it right. We try to get answers from outside sources that are at best ephemeral.

Doubt can set us up to self destruct. We can fall prey to vices such as pornography, stealing, smoking, drinking, sex and the likes. Really, doubt in all of its ramifications is the enemy within. It is the ‘us in us’ that want to stop us from getting all that have been lined up in store for us. Doubt tells us our tomorrow is bleak and that our chances of making it are equally as bleak. Doubt tells us that we need a Godfather to make it. It shouts from the rooftops that life can only get harder. Its ultimate goal is to knock and snuff the life out of us, so it has us where it wants-six feet deep! Yes, that’s how fatal doubt can become if we live in it. Living in doubt and dying in doubt won’t be too surprising eh? God forbid! No way, we can’t let that be the story of our lives.

We have many days with plenty of sunshine outside our moments. We simply can’t continue in our naivety and ruin a good day. We are much more than doubt says. We can speak to the atmosphere-the sun, moon, stars, and galaxies-to brighten up even our darkest days. Surely, God will let them illuminate our soul, and our bodies and our spirit. There’s no need to live in doubt; even for a minute.

The Glamour in Friendships

The most rewarding friendships are not the most glamorous of them. Neither is it a given that the most enriching of friendships are found in the least glamorous of circles. Giving too much to friendships also does not guarantee the best moments in friendships. And holding back yourself from giving all spells doom for the friendship.
The key to having the most rewarding friendships is fixing your eyes on achieving the purpose of the friendship. And this is true in all circles, glamorous or not. Are you there to bring a smile to the person every time you come across each other; keep smiling. Do you think the next person makes you feel good about your dreams all the time; keep telling the dreams. Is football the topic that keeps both of you upbeat all day long: keep talking football. Does your doing the dishes endear you to the folk...keep doing them dishes. Do your visits make the next person leap; keep at it.
Hey! Won’t any of these make people take you for a ride? The answer is: absolutely yes and obviously no. It just depends on which side you choose to stand for the friendship. If you desire to fulfil purpose in the friendship, there will be many such roller coaster rides. But if you choose to stand in for a while, even the smoothest of rides would be bumpy...at their best.
For friendships to be rewarding they have to be enduring. Hardly have anyone seen ‘flash in the pan’ friendships tell touching stories. They do tell of moments but hardly experiences. And experiences-times of great turmoil, times of glory, times of hurt, times of joy-are hardly moments. Every kind of experiences is interspersed with many moments. And full joy comes with full experiences that go the whole hog. This is what can produce rewarding friendships.
The glamour in friendships can hardly be traded for momentary ‘feel goods’. Good weather, fair weather or bad weather does not bury the glamour. Instead the glamour thrives upon each of them. Yes, there may be knocks, but they do not KO the glamour.
Every moment you remove your eyes from the purpose of the friendship, you push the glamour in them to the wall. And those are moments when we begin to feel that we are giving too much and need to cut back. Or feel that our smiles are not been reciprocated enough, our dreams are beginning to intimidate our friends and our football talk bores them. Really it’s normal to feel these moments in friendships. But allowing those feelings eat deep can suffocate any glamour that we had built in the friendship over time.
Allow your friendships take deep fresh breaths. Discover the purpose for the friendships. Pursue the purpose, achieve the purpose. And live to tell the story of the glamour in the friendships. There is plenty of glamour in that.

When You Measure A Man...

The stage is set...for one of your own to come on. With all of the great aplomb your own has just bungled it again. This time, it is really painful because it was after a third chance for your own to make amends. You have been let down once more. And this time it’s one too many. Your own has tipped you over. He has become a write off. For all you care ‘He can ...off’.
Ooh! That was really hard. ‘’It doesn’t matter,” you say. He can take a walk ‘for all you care’. You have had enough of the valleys and hills to ‘no where’ in your friend’s life. “Enough is enough”. And off you go and leave your friend in his ‘nemesis’.
But if you’ll just hold on, when do you think is the best time to love somebody the most? I mean to be there ...for your own? Is it when yours is all straightened out and all together or when it is all tangled up and pathetic with your pal? Is when somebody’s done good and made things easy for everybody and you? Is that what you think?
A man’s valleys and hills are dreadful moments. They are moments when his hopes and dreams come crashing in his face. And he can’t even decide which part represents honour and which part represents dishonour. Getting by through any means seems to be the most reasonable option. Dignity and pride are at the lowest ebb. That is when your own becomes a toothless rat, stripped bare of anything that made him a man. He is on his knees and there is nothing left ,of him, to love.
And leaving him to all of these misfortunes can be a bigger blow than the let down itself. If there was to be any silver lining in the sky, they will be very bleak to him...since there was no you to point them at them for him. Deciding to ditch your friend and taking your love along with you will be wise...only if you think love is all about red roses. And of course...you are inconsiderate. And you are not done learning.
There is always something left to love. Cry for your friend. Send out a prayer on his behalf...for what he has been through. And for what his ‘been throughs’ have done to him. Show your friend the strength.
The time to love the most is when your own is at his lowest and can’t believe in himself because his ‘been throughs’ and the world around him left him spineless.
Measuring your own by his failures only can present you to be very selfish and lacking wisdom. When you start to measure somebody, it is good that you measure right. Measure your own right. Ensure that you take into account all the hills and valleys that your own has come through before he bungled things up...again.

Fly Above The Clouds

It’s the turn of the year and the perfect time to look forward to new things. What will they be? How will they happen? That’s for another time. This time, we just want to get the ball rolling.
The whole business of getting things sorted out seems to be an unending cycle. But can we get things done? Yes, of course. But will the clouds that always threaten to bring down the heavy downpours of hurt, anguish and horrors give us space?
We are sometimes too determined to go through the hurt and pain that we forget we can fly above them. It’s good to testify of the ‘went-throughs’ but it’s better to testify of the ‘soaring-throughs’.
Life has taught us to stay put and fight all battles. And same life presents a better option of flying above the clouds of challenges. How do we get a hang of this? The fact that we have developed some attachments to fighting through our battles almost makes us believe it is impossible to soar through them.
Now, did I hear somebody say “count your costs before takeoff!”. Well, that’s great but it is never about dismissing the imminent but more of riding high through the situation. It’s not magic. It’s about sorting out things even before things crop up.
This is a step that must be undertaken even before the pressures mount. For any and every venture it will be worthwhile to see through to the end. This requires some great. And thank God we have two eyes. It is an inward search that requires us to respond to our battles and not react to them. Picture potential trouble spots along the way and determine the lines of response from day one. Pronto!
It’s a ‘despite’, ‘in spite of’, ‘never-the-less’, ‘doesn’t–matter’, ‘not-perturbed’ stand in the midst of adversities and storm. Beyond these, it goes on to wearing the corresponding countenances of ‘I-have-been-through-this-before’, ‘this-will-only-turn-out-for-my-good’, and ‘I-know-how-this-will pan out’.
Every disposition and action in this resolve must tell the story of ‘life is still great despite the stormy clouds’. The situation must be made to realise that your bounce, your radiance, your charm, your passion, your tenacity... can never be affected by it.
Hey! It’s not a denial theory. It’s a reality check on the situation that always presents itself as having all the aces. This is because every situation that tends to tear you down is myopic. It has no clue on how you will take it. If you react, the situation wins and if you respond the situation becomes confused. And will flee if it cannot get you down by tearing your mind apart and creating fear, anger and turmoil. It will look helpless if you will not allow it heat you up with vexation.
Upset not yourself. Keep your head above the raging seas and waters. Get on the ride above the clouds. That’s the only way to maintain a clear head and see over the storm. You got to see above the storm. Keep your head up. Take control of the reins of your situation and ride it. Only then will you be flying above the clouds.
Ride baby, ride and enjoy the plesantness that up above the clouds presents.

Stand Up To It!

We have a challenge to bear up under the weight that weighs us down. In fact, life can be hard and can throw at us pretty bad stuff. Many times we are left bare with the things that life throws at us, that we are no party to, nor solicited for or can be blamed for. Life during periods of pain and turmoil like rape, incest, heartbreaks, fatal losses, and long periods of childlessness and joblessness...is termed cruel. Bouts of depression, feelings of regret that can culminate in suicidal thoughts and attempts take their toll on us.
Who will understand? We search deeply and truly wish that our sorrows will fly past us. Try as we may, the stigma and insignia of the pain and hurt won’t just leave. And our resistances continue to plummet in the face of our circumstances. Those times, present the perfect scenarios for us to throw in the towel and succumb to the fiery darts that have pierced our souls. But can we stand up to our misfortunes and misery? Do we have any antidote to the continued pain that continually bears its fangs on us?
Standing up is the answer. And it’s an answer that comes with its fair share of pain and heartaches. Our moments unleash their terror in torrents that make us lose sight of their vulnerability in the face of our resolve. Standing up to our adverse circumstances entails plenty of will and tenacity. This is more so when these are the targets the undesirable aches want to keep out of our reach.
Our will can be strained in the midst of continued exposure to adverse circumstances. This is the reason we have to ensure that we shield our will from the circumstances. In the centre of our crisis situations we have a task to ensure that our will to stand up receives adequate boost from outside the conditions. At those times, we need to get all the help we can to keep up our faith in the reversal of the status. We can only find a way out of our situations if we let our will to stand up to the challenges remain in our focus. Never, should we allow our condition overwhelm us. The more stuff that the state of affairs throw at us the more dogged we need to become in our resolve not to relent or give in.
We can win. And will always win, if we stand up and not despair or become distraught in the face of our adversities. If we realise that we will come off smiling at the end of day, it will do well for us to maintain that composure throughout the road to the reversal of fortunes. No doubt, it is not an easy ride and the route may not easily be discerned. Keep your focus on coming out the victor. That will always keep you going on; no matter how hard it becomes to hold on. Don’t let go, stand up to it and come off better for it.

Confront The Status-quo

Putting the set system to test is one further step many are unwilling to take. Tradition and routine are widespread amongst us because we are ‘satisfied’ with the set order. Challenging the system is in no way a means of bringing disorder to order. It is about putting to test what works and what does not work in the status symbols around the environment.
To face up to the status quo means you understand its workings and are able to project what results the system will always achieve. To defy these known outcomes of the system will require asking the right questions of ‘how can the system change?’ or ‘do the techniques employed in the system have the ability to fabricate the desired changes?’ Many more questions of ‘Who can lead the change?’, ‘What will tax the system to do more to achieve anticipated results?’ and ‘how can the system be put to the test?’
Lethargy and delays are essential elements to be resolved within if the fight to dare the system will be won. This is because a lot of courage, guts and nerves will have to be built up in the run up to status quo. Why is this so? The truth is many folks are feeding fat from the ineffective status quo and will literarily ‘kill’ (if they have to) to keep the order. For these folks, they care less whether the order exists for the benefit of the majority. Honestly, the ‘big picture’ is non-existent in their hearts as they are content with the ‘pocket-size’ portraits and outlooks.
What more will be required? Some provocations...yes, some taunting, some goading and a lot of risks will come into the fray. Ultimatums will have to be issued on the system and the status quo to produce the needed changes. And the timing of the considered necessary ultimatums on the system is crucial if the system will be made to crumble in its face. Remember this: the system has found a way of covering up its lapses over time and tact will be required to expose its frailties in face of churning out obligatory results.
A certain calmness and doggedness with some will and a God-confidence will need to be imbibed in this challenge. Prepare for surprises from the smallest and least quarters. This is so true. Consider and deal with the fact that trusted partners, friends, colleagues, associates and even mates may pose the greatest challenge towards your bringing about the needed change. It should not be over the top for you if the people that will benefit on the long-run do not give the needed support and backing when you want to lean on them.
A lot of ‘despite-the-odds and braving-all-odds’ will be required to re-order the system. A re-ordered system should be capable of reproducing the former results as well as the needed changes. That is what will put the critics of the re-ordering to back off and congratulate you when change is imminent and within reach.
Defy logic, set new standards, be consistent in your drive and bring about change.

Don't Face The World Alone

Being all in one (alone) is never good for anyone. Life is about memories, about relationships, about living, about loving. You just might be doing yourself a great disservice if you set out to face life on your own.
It’s hard to notice when the world around you is ebbing away. It creeps in slowly because work, worries and hell are all fighting for space in your head.
In the midnight times when your worries and doubts have left you bone dry, you get blown out. You look around for help and realise help was long gone. How did you get yourself into this mess?
It is rather easy to tell. You let the work and worries suffocate the energy and vibrancy of your cherished friendships. Your friendships took the best possible route and chose to have some fresh air...elsewhere. Your worries never allowed you to have peace within or even take notice of help sources.
Life was never designed for you to tread its paths on your own. At every point, life designed ‘help meets’ to carry you along. The experiences of people (in books and testimonials), advice and counsels are those help meets. And you will do a lot better being in their midst.
Trust me; life on one’s own is a lonely one. Try it and you will fail at all attempts. You will need some measure of hope, and some strength and some courage and some love. And those are the reasons you don’t need to face the world on your own.
Really, you can’t provide all these by yourself, for yourself. Get rid of the haughty feelings and ‘I-can-handle-it-by-myself’ air. If you will have any push to go on in this life, you will need to lock arms with the next brother, sister, friend, colleague, classmate, and partner. If you truly have aspirations and desire fulfilment, then you need to drop the ‘I-can-pay-the-bills-all-by-myself’ mantra. You will need help along the way. Help will be needed in plenty doses especially at those times when you don’t deserve it.
See the need in your life. Don’t deny it. You'll need somebody to pick you up, brush you off and bring you back every time you fall. Will you ever fall? Yes, many times.
Don’t allow anxiety blind you or get lost in emotions. Do yourself a favour, open up your heart. Don’t face the world alone.

(Re) Align Your Friendhips

Every day we struggle to keep up with the pressures of the different friendships we have. Whether in the home or at work, we are never getting to grips with our friendships.
How can we know which friendships are helpful and which ones are harmful? What can we do to get our ailing friendships back on track and how can we even maintain them afterwards? Who and what can constitute a friend or friendship? What are the things to look out for in friendships?
With just about everything and anything struggling to get our attentions, our friendships should not add to the list. Friendships are to help us focus and not to look around and be on the edge.
I heard a friend once say friendship is not by force. And really, they should never be. Friendships-whether cherished or not-should always be about something. Finding a common ground for friendships will help keep every friendship in its place. And keep you going on and being upbeat about the friendship.
Sincerely, we need to be able to answer in one sentence questions on why we have the friends we have and why the next person doesn’t fit in with our picture of friendship.
It’s good to know that we are friends with the next person because the person helps us get by on the job. Membership of the Arsenal Fan’s Club or the Design Team or the Green hands can also trigger off friendship bells. Obviously, there has to be a reason for friendship.
What of unconditional love? Well, liking somebody because you are obligated to (due to religious doctrines) does not translate to obligatory friendships. This is because there is no such thing as that. Frienships enjoy different degrees of shaing and exchange moments. And unconditionally loving people does not mean they have to become your friends.
On the job, it is vital to get every friendship into perspective. Let friendships align with the overall corporate objectives of the workplace. Friendships that make us spend long hours outside given tasks can only bring headaches. At the same time friendships that will not allow us do what is officially right, will put our company’s bottom-line into jeopardy. The take here is: realise that the friendships in the workplace exist because of the job and the company’s corporate objectives should never be comprised on the platter of the friendships. Discard friendships that tend to get in-between the corporate objectives of your firm and makes you want to twist things even a little bit.
At home, it is vital to know which set of friendships will bring about peaceful co-existence and unity. Relationships with siblings and parents should all be streamlined for the good of the family unit. Hiding behind the facts and telling half-truths due to friendship inclinations will only spell doom for the unit. It is always good to speak up for friendships that are being trampled upon and friendships that can bring about the needed peace around the home. It is vital to know that the friendships here are more of future ties and so openness becomes inevitable.
On campus, establish friendships along particular lines. Get a prayer buddy for religious affiliations. Get a reading partner for specific courses. And get a lecturer friend for the intricacies of balance and moderation on campus.
I forgot intimacy right?
Intimate friendships should be respectful friendships. They should have respect for the next person and his or her time. And such friendships should allow you to be yourself and be free. You can do a lot by keeping the lines of communication open in this cadre.
Mentorship relationships are rare. But they can be found and should be cherished. Let mentors know your struggles and heartaches. Let them know just how much they are appreciated.

Be There For The Tears

Someone you care about
has a broken heart
you want to be a friend
but you don't know where to start
there are no words to say
that could ever be enough
how can you show them your love?
Greg Long

The question is direct. How can you show love to someone you care about when you don’t know where to start?
Severally, we are at a loss. It’s one thing to have the answers to things you can comprehend. It’s a whole new ball game when you don’t have the answers to your friends piercing questions-about heartbreaks, heartaches and headaches.
Those times you realise words are not enough. Hard as you may try, there is no easy way to make them feel alright. And you can only watch as the tears well up in your friend’s eyes. You become numb when you see your friend break into heavy sobs. And all you can gather is an unnerving gaze. And more questions upon questions.
You offer a pat on the back, the tears don’t stop. You offer a handkerchief, the tears only increase. And then it hits you, “just allow the tears”.
Don’t allow the urge to be ‘I-know-it-all’ to stop your friend from enjoying this rare moment-the ‘no-holds-barred’ moment. It is a refreshing experience that every friendship that you hold to heart should experience.
So if you desire to lend your friend your faith and walk them through the dark, help somebody cry. Hold their hand and watch them heal through the tears.