Pressure to Impress

It's more than subtle. The shoes that stick out, the ties that neatly adorn shirts, the cars that fly past...They present constant reminders to the many things we need to get going around us. It is a cycle that we wake up to everyday. The pressures that build on our relationships are even more pronounced. No matter the extent of our commitment, a silent but prodding pressure always makes demands. The pressure to be on top of our relationships is capable of producing headaches. Not just ordinary headaches, but nagging ones. It's not a funny situation. But it exists in the different forms and levels of relationships we have and wish to keep going on.

How does it all start? Constantly, we have models of what we want to have our relationships to look like. The effect: we are constantly on the look out for everything and anything that would help us attain our 'lofty heights'. While on the look-out, we become easily swayed and get entangled. We take on more than we can handle. Our erroneous 'one-size-fits-all' beliefs picked up while on the look-out, pursue us. The result: we are on the run, striving to be ahead but not realising that we are within reach. Remember the times, you had to buy the gift or give up that time because you felt you would loose your friend? Remember how you had to spend crazy because you didn't want to appear 'tight-fisted' in the midst of your cash crunch? Holy Mo! if only you had realised, at that time, that what you feared most would catch up with you. In hindsight, you would realise that all your super hero efforts went with the wind. They never really left a mark, and when the storms came, your friend hardly remembered the sacrifices.

Hey! I am not advocating that you leave out all the sacrifices. I mean what would become of friendships then. The crux of the matter: allow your self space. Do not give in to the pressure. The maddening pressure to impress that leaves you vulnerable and not very thoughtful. Always look at the big picture. That's the first step towards getting off the pressure train. Pause, ponder before acting. Answers to questions such as 'I'm I doing this because I want to?, I'm I in this because I believe it's better off? ...need to be given. In doing that you would discover that there would be reason to take things in stride. In taking things in stride, you would have a clear sense of judgement. The offshoot of the process, is that you would make lasting impressions in your relationships. Those impressions would be the holding fabric of every relationship when the world threatens to leave it thread-bare.

It's not too late. Step on the breaks. Get off and get going. You can do a lot more without the pressure. Don't you think so?

Between Love's Respect and Fear's Respect

It all started like a simple gist. After thirty minutes we were still on it. It was about respect; the best way a man could earn it. My first friend, the source of the argument would not relent. He was clear about his stand. For him, a man that is the head of his family, deserved respect. And nobody could argue on that. The problem was his insistence that the respect had to be gotten by instilling fear. He made it clear that by instilling fear, the man could be guaranteed of total respect from his children and wife. Now that was already scary. As I listened further on, he made it clear that the respect sought here was for the benefit of the man only. And he could get that by ensuring that his family remained in perpetual awe of him.

It got my mind back to my early days. Did I respect my father out of fear or out of reverence? Anyway my first friend had insisted that it would require so much work and many extras for respect to be derived out of love!!! Well whatever the extra's were, my mind did want to go there. I was more interested in the end result-the impact of the respect born out of fear-on the children. It was really giving me the creeps but I managed to play the whole of my childhood over in two minutes. Really my father loved me, but was that the reason why i respected him or was it because I was afraid of him? Well, a second friend, tried pointing out some differences between fear as a verb and fear as a verb. I could not really get his analysis straightened in my head. But I knew something was amiss about my friend's theory.

The next day I still could remember the sailent points and questions. Do we really respect our father's or men out of love or out of the fear of what they could do to us. Was the fear of the unknown-the uncertainty of the consequences we may suffer- that made us give up our voice?

Last lines: wouldn't love present us with a respect that is enriching. I mean a respect that would stand the test of time and had nothing to do with being intimidated or bullied? The truth-as I told myself- respect born out of love would sure outlast and outwit any respect based or fear of harm or reprimand. It takes a lot for the male ego to swallow that. We all demand respect in subtle ways. But whether we would go all out -even if it means by intimidating the folks around us to get that- or would rather think up creativenly lovely ways of getting that, is a measure of how much wisdom we have attained. What do you think?

Love & Life

The power of oneness is awesome. Love and life always thrive on that strength. The yearning for inspiring human connections resonates deep. And between us, the staying power, the ins and the outs… that make for good love and a fulfilling life, abound. The relationships, the people, the habits, the lifestyles, the issues… that shape love and life, always take centre stage.